Stand behind me, Satan!

I really need someone to tell me why I hate Oprah. Really, when people ask me,I cant give them a good answer. By all accounts, this person has done nothing but good things, right? She is the poster child for do-it-yourself success, overcoming the the "hurdles" of being poor, ethnic and female ( wow) and becoming an icon so well known and powerful, that just the mention of her name sends people opening and emptying theyre pockets, and worse, marking the ballots . From the first time i heard her, I knew there was something diabolical going on. Shes scary. And obnoxious. And powerful. And scary. Oh, I said that. I really want to learn more about her, but, to do that would mean delving into the gaping maw of evil. I just know it. Its like have you ever walked into a strange house and you KNEW it was haunted? I have, but, um, thats another story. Ya just know when something aint what its painted to be. Am i the only one?? I cant be. When you have hundreds, thousands of people dying for the chance to sit in her audiance, just to get up close, and well, I guess the hopes of getting a free pair of cashmere socks or a car or whatever carrot shes got out for the flock, that dont hurt, either. Im telling ya, one of these days were gonna find out the truth. I hope Im wrong about her. But Im not fighting for tickets to be in her studio. Cuz the way i see it, pretty soon she will be giving away that trip to Mars for those lucky few hundred that braved the hours of waiting in the cold Chicago weather. And Im pretty sure that new book she loves so much, we will find out, too late, that its a cookbook. You know the one. TO SERVE MAN.