"We're on a mission from God"

Well, first thing this morning I open up my MSNBC,and whatta ya know? The heading of "How kids can ruin your marriage" hits me like a punch in the mouth. Dang.  Actually,this has been in the forfront lately of what little mind I have left. Freeking kids. Oh, it all starts out innocent enough. Little booties, soft blankets, sniffing their little Baby Magic scrubbed heads. Oh, the  siren song of the womb. Well, here is some advise. Muzzle your uterus, bitches, cuz that turns into "The song that never ends" real quick.Trust me, ive been digging out for real close to 29 years now, and  havent made it. and Im not even counting my 2 beautiful grandkids. No, im STILL a card carring PTA, i need a powdered wig made out of cotton balls, i spent my lunch money on cookies, you cant call the other alter boys "SuckSacks" (well, not during Mass, anyway) participant. I startred this shit in 1982, ya think i would have found the exit by now. This is all Gods doing, by the way. Yes, i mean it in all ways. My oldest was brought into this world kinda the old fashioned way,  with absolutly no thought other than "Wow, it seems like baby time!" My youngest, well, he is The Burning Bush Baby. And im not refering to the fucking 4 inch episiotomy they had to perform to get his massive head out of my chuckie, either. God TOLD me to make way for him. Swear on my life, hope to die, needle in the eye shit. . Almost 18 years after my first. So please pardon me if I laugh and maybe pee a bit (see aformentioned chuckie damage listed above) at all the shmachta about how these human Chupacabras complete us, bring us so much joy, will be such a comfort in our old age..... someone call me at least 12 hours before these beneys start up, will ya, cuz I wanna be sober for it. I guess the bottom line is, sometimes, we are just the vehichle. It all stops being about us, whether we know it, or ultimatley like it or not. And if were really lucky, every now and again, we do get a kick outta the job. But Lord, dont be making no more of those 2 a.m. calls to me anymore. Im hip to your tactics. And Ive got my phone on mute.