Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Someone to watch over me.......

Hey kids, its been a while. Not that i havent had shit to say, just then when im in my "creative" mojo, by the next day, Ive forgotten what the frig I was so impressed with the night before. Kinda like beer goggles for us literatti. Bwahaha. Anywho, my loves in the great altered-State of Utah  have refreshed my memory, and im baaaaak.

 Next month, my family will be celebrating something that folks do all the time. The baby shower for my niece Tisha and her awesome husband Matthew, in honor of our newest, little Zoe. This little girl is so special in so many ways, as all babies are, but, actually, shes kinda our special gift. On  Father's Day, 2009,  her big sister, Teigan, was murdered, by her own father, who's name I will never infect my mouth with, or honor that he ever existed on this Earth as anything but a messanger of ruin. On that day, everything that I thought I knew about was thrown into chaos. I watched in so much fear, scared cold that the people I loved the most , that there was no way they could survive this. My Big sis, Mikey, Teigan's grandmother, my closest friend, who raised me and saved my life more times than I dare think about, her reason for living was gone. Just, gone. What do I do? What do I say? Because of my own losses in my life, Ive got a pretty strong grip on what I believe is our destiny. Im the first one to speak up in my infinite wisdom....Father has his plan...The book is written..... all my brilliant, spiritual golden chains shattered by the sheer perversion of this moment in time that changed EVERYTHING. So we gathered, and we grieved. And believe me, up until that time I thought the reference "broken heart" was just something someone sang about. That week, with the people that mean so much to me, I laughed and cried more than I had ever done in my life. And once again, God showed his grace. We began to breathe again. Slowly, bitterly,for sure. And He stayed. And this time, Teigan became his messanger.
Since then, we have had some beautiful moments in our lives. Most notible the wedding of my dear Tisha to a wonderful, loving man named Matthew. Which, um, incidentally, I officiated. Hey, when I marry 'em, they stay married. Little did we know the day we stood before God, that our little Zoe was already there. And, yes, in some freeky way I take more than a bit of credit for that, too. Sorry, Matthew. Yep, that lil chica is gonna have a charmed life. This is OUR baby. Our gift from God, and from Magoo too.Because I never got a chance to tell her how special she was. And for that, Im the poorer. Teigan's life  is now the touchstone of how I love. Be open,honest, and never wait, not one second, to speak your intentions.No regrets. No shame. The people I love know it. I am a proud strand in every web . And that, Im telling you, is all I need.

5 comments:

FanStacia said...

I'm glad that I know you love me.

Big Mama said...

always.

Iron Knight said...

I'm glad she knows you love her too.

Iced Grace said...

Freaking awesome! The captcha thing won't let me use the wheel chair...but I'm handicapped!!!

amberd. said...

Touching. I loved it babes!